Those of you with a bit of a geek streak, have undoubtedly heard from Steve Job's Reality Distortion Field, in reference to the innate and uncanny ability that the notorious Apple CEO purportedly has, to .. well.. "bend reality around him", to the point of transforming an otherwise obvious shortcoming or technical problem in one of his products, into a PR opportunity or even a strong selling point!. It dates back to the early days of personal computing.. for a bit of Apple fan nostalgia, click here

I am walking down the streets of Famara.. yes.. in Lanzarote. On that topic, by the way, I will just summarize it very breefly. If you are thinking about it.. just don't. At least not in summer. More on that later. Anyhow, but to the topic in question, There is an Aussie surfer dude just chilling, oozing cool sitting in front of his surf shop. I strike up a conversation with the mate, cause I am looking for a place to crash for a couple of days right?. Of course we start talking about the conditions, current and forecasted. Then I see it.. right in front of my eyes.. the Reality Distortion Field.. at full power. "Yeah mate!.. you are in luck!.. these few days the wind has died so it is going to stay like this.. for 2, 3 days.. glassy mate.. then next week it is going to get really nice.. probably 3 meter waves and the wind should cooperate offshore and all.. stay around mate.. Lanzarote is freaking paradise man.. "

I appreciate his love for his adoptive home land.. I get that, really.. but dude.. glassy?.. after this high exposure to the RDF, I went running back home , donned my wetsuit and headed off to the beach to catch some of those glassy rides. Instead, I was greeted by THE most chopped up and confused surfing surfaces I have ever had the pleasure of trying to ride. Eh?.. I mean, it doesn't take a genius.. the wind is blowing onshore.. super windy by surfing standards.. not windy enough by windsurfing requirements (or in this case.. kitesurfing.. yeww.. this is where the tea baggers come to hide in Lanzarote I believe). Therefore the guys are saying... "there is no wind!".. yeah.. well.. everything is relative pal!.

Still.. my point is.. hmm.. glassy?.. dude, are you on crack?.. cause if you are, I want me some of that man!.. I mean, if you got some woojo that would make me believe I am in head high glassy Nirvana.. shoot me up baby!. Similarly, I am sure you have noticed, that every spot you go to, has "that" secret cove, where only locals go to, and somehow, "on the right day", you get kilometer long rides that will give you jelly legs.. pfft .. Hawaii.. that's for the pussies.. we got it right here better than Pipeline man! tubes, glassy.. you name it.

Anyhow. I am sure we have all been victims and carriers of the Reality Distortion Field at one point or another.. "duuude.. it was 3 meters on the outer reef, epic!.. perfect peeling barrels !!.. you should have been here yesterday!. Don't sweat it.. in my experience.. the good guys are more often than not.. the ones that keep quiet. If a guy comes out of the water keeping to himself, and just says "yeah, it was nice", then quietly walks away, then you should worry, cause you probably just missed one of the most epic sessions of the year :-)

I have been hearing for.. well, ages, how the North Sea can deliver the goods. If you are a surfer, and live in the north of Germany, that means you will be getting a chance to try to figure out what all those street signs with "ø"s, "å"s and a few too many "k"s actually mean, as you figure out your way to the west coast of Danmark (yes, it is spelled so by the Danish.. or should I say, det Danske?.

So, armed with a promising weather forecast, I joined my buddy Alexi on his S.U.V. (Surf Utility Vehicle… a VW Van rigged with all the comforts an European beach bum could ever ask for :-) so, Road Trip!. Just like the good old times in Ottawa, driving to Lake Champlain or Sandbanks, with butterflies in my stomach in anticipation for the epic session (or bitter skunk!) to come.

It might come as a surprise, or as lip service, but there is something about these "home sessions" that no stint in Maui or no idyllic trip to Indo can match. I mean, you go to Brazil for example, and you *know* it will be windy. You *know* it will be warm. You *know* the sky will be blue and that the surf sessions just like the girls, will be plenty and loose (Äh Schatz, ich meine das nicht ernst.. ich mache nur Spaß! :-) . But a home sesh, unless you are one of those lucky bastards who calls Hawaii "home", means obsessing over reports on the Internet about wind and swell predictions. Pouring over isobar charts and getting sweaty palms while negotiating farm roads, trying to find that fabled spot where this particular wind direction actually "works", or where the waves will be 2 meter glassy if the wind blows SSE 40Kts overnight, then shifts to NNW precisely at 6AM and the rain stops and you manage to get there right on time at 8:17AM for a 2 hour window and you might as well buy a lottery ticket if you think you are lucky enough to hit such as long string of "if"'s.

But when it happens, and it doesn't happen that often, but it does happen… then that session will be 100 times more memorable than a regular sesh during that stint in Indo, and it will become part of the local lore.

Now, that was NOT the case this weekend.. but still.. I will fondly remember my first ever session chasing wind and waves in the North Sea.

So back to the issue at hand. Denmark report: it is windy. Why else would they have all those wind turbines?. And didn't they pretty much invent the windmill?. But there is a catch. It is cold. I mean, this is summer, and you will be comfortable.. as long as you wear your trusty 3:2 (4:3 for those of us with an embarrassingly low body fat ratio). You have a chance of wearing nothing but body shorts during an Ontario session in summer. Forget it in Denmark.. unless well.. you are Danish (and a fat one at that).

We set off from Hamburg pretty darn late for a 5 hour drive: almost 8PM. Blame it on the mechanic who promised the car would be ready at 3PM. I guess some things are universal huh?. That meant, having to sleep in Blåvand, arriving there a few minutes after the last glimmer of light.. around midnight (hey, this IS the North Pole you know!?). Met some guys on the beach, a couple of beers.. next day, our quest took us way farther north than I would have expected to drive for on a weekend. North, to Agger.

So, I had to call it quits. I tried to windsurf again but between the cramped up leg, the aching forearms and the difficulties to launch again (a bit of a current making waterstarting on a bit of shorebreak, challenging), I decided to just take it easy for my first real wavesailing day in .. well.. since 2008 in Maui really. Not counting Freestyle heaven Brazil or the Tarifa bust.

It doesn't matter. I had fun, it was great to meet old and new friends on the beach, and be the "new" guy on the spot.

The next day, it was off to Hvide Sande, with high hopes to score a surfing session. If the wind stops just so, there might still be rideable waves in the morning… we were probably a bit too late to the party, blame it on a driver that "somehow" *cough* went M.I.A the previous night. But anyway.. there were some waves indeed, and the rides, although short, had the challenge and satisfaction of a new place, a new experience. Totally different, but nonetheless inspiring and enough to drive back full of stoke and expectations for what I hope will be many sessions yet to come.

Aloha!

PS: Special thanks go to Alexi for giving me the tour of the spots, and putting up with my snoring! :-S

As most people know, I have been doing quite a bit of windsurfing and surfing related traveling in the last 3 years.. Airlines have a reputation for being particularly... err.. let us say "careless" with surf equipment. Boards are fragile. The lighter and sweeter they are, the more delicate . So, I guess it is not much of a surprise, that undergoing the harsh treatment of indifferent baggage handlers results all too often in damages to your favourite stick.

However, to be honest, I had been lulled by a sense of invulnerability. Hawaii, Brazil, Costa Rica, Europe, Australia, Indo.. Big airlines, budget airlines.. Windsurfing gear, surfboards.. and I had never had a single incident. That is, until I flew with Continental Airlines.

I guess I am lucky that this happened at the end of my trip. And it is not like my favourite shortboard doesn't have a few nasty bumps on it already.. he he.. but somehow, the dings that you inflict to your board during the course of surfing.. well, they are just part of surfing life. But that an airline so needlessly destroys your beloved board.. and particularly cause there is truly no need for that. It is in a board bag.. it is well protected.. you don't even have to be that careful. You just have to avoid putting the 500 Kg metallic cargo box on top of the fragile fiberglass 2kg board. Seriously, is it that hard Continental?.

Anyhow, rants aside, as you can infer from this post.. well.. I am back to civilization!. Some big changes here and there, but always dreaming of the next stint. When?.. where.. anything is possible. However, for the moment, it does seem that the order of the day is to organize things a bit and bring back a bit of stability to my life. Hey, you didn't think I was some sort of trust fund kid , now did you?. Eventually, everyone has got to go to Loblaws :-)  (Für meine deutsche Leser, das heißt, man muss eventuell seinen Pflichten nachkommen :-) . So, for the time being, it looks like I will be setting camp for a while in one of my favourite cities in the world: Hamburg!. Even when it has some the most aggressive cyclists I have seen anywhere!! 

Ok, so... were was I ?.. oh yeah, I promised I would keep my blog more up to date. Hmm.. ok, that was 3 months ago.. err.. I guess it didn't go to well, did it?. Isn't it amazing how one can manage to not have enough time, even as a professional unemployed beach bum?.

Anywhoo.. recapitulating... went to Bali, waves are beautiful, it was too dirty. Checked out Thailand for a change of pace and to reset the Indonesian tourist visa, really great place to be a tourist... arguably, most beautiful country in the world, I swear. But, no surf.. so, nothing to see, move along. We went back to Indo for a few more weeks of surfing, and even though Padang Padang was pretty small the whole time, it was definitely a good training ground. But alas, it was time to go back to Germany, eat some Bretzels and get a job...

Huh?.. what?.. job?.. yeah, right.. on second thought, we decided to throw caution to the wind, stretch the savings a bit more and skip the European spring, in order to jump across the big pond one more time, and revisit.. Costa Rica!..

So, here we are. The deal is, Hülya gets to concentrate on learning Spanish, I get to focus on the surfing. Sounds pretty sweet to me!. So, for the last 2 months or so, I have been in Costa Rica, doing the Groundhog day thing. Eat, sleep, surf, rinse and repeat. And to think that 3 years ago somebody told me this whole thing would get old after a while... ha!.

For the most part, since the girl needed to attend Spanish school, I was pretty limited to a rather mediocre and crowded spot. Part of the whole compromising thing. Nonetheless, tamarindo has proven to be a good training ground somehow, to the point that I am feeling confident on my 5'10". But I didn't really appreciate my progress, until last week, when we got once more on the road, and hit a little spot called Nosara.

More specifically, Playa Guiones. At first glance, from the beach, I saw lines of punishment and terror, one after the other.. still.. I went in, admittedly with that near drowning incident in Santa Teresa very present in my mind (yeah.. I have to report on that event some other time..), anyhow. I went in, but surprisingly, got thru the shore break with easy, and I was simply filling strong. Like never before.

The waves were meaty.. not Santa Teresa gigantic, but well into the overhead range, 10 to 12 ft I think. Still, somehow, just the right shapes.. the right moment.. the right place. I paddled for one, fully expecting not to catch it. However, it felt so.. easy.. a couple of strokes more, board is engaged, pop up, take the drop. Full speed on, down the line. Bottom turn, top turn.. stay on top of it... pump a bit more.. accelerate, keep turning. And going, and going.. I raised my eyes down the line.. it just kept going for ever!.. the sensation of total control, just relaxed, playing with the surface of the wave. Undescribable. Suffice it to say, Definitely the best wave I have ever ridden to date.

I caught a couple of more waves that day.. not as good, but still, great rides. Adrenaline drooping out of my ears... I decided to quit early while I was ahead, rode one out to the beach and called it .. best surf day.. ever!.

Unfortunately, we couldn't stay in Nosara. It was simply too expensive for a couple of jobless backpackers. We tried to find a place to stay for this last month in CR, but no go.. US$1500 for an apartment?.. in CR?.. are they insane?. For the record, we pay US$500 in Tamarindo for a very nice A/C apartment fully equipped, Internet, etc.

So, due to that, and the fact that Mrs. Schatzi is slowly but surely getting into surfing, we headed back to more beginner friendly Tamarindo. I go back to training mode, but knowing that these sessions in the crumbly and moody waves here, are equipping me with the knowledge and body condition to be prepared for the next epic day.

As promised, I am attempting to catch up on my story telling, now that I find myself with a heckuva lot of hours to kill while I negotiate the trans-pacific airways. Where did I left off?. Oh right.. Australia's East Coast. Go for the diving in the Great Barrier Reef. Unforgettable. I would like to check out the West Coast one day, on a windsurfing stint. Who knows?. Gotta keep an open mind.

So, after finding Nemo, we bought ourselves some tickets to jump off to Darwin, or , as I call it, Australia's answer to Nunavut, and from there, skipped the Australian continent (is it actually a continent or not?) and headed off to Indonesia.

Bali. The stuff of dreams. Don't know about you, but whenever I think "exotic island destination with pristine waters, breathtaking views, idillic sunsets and footsteps on the sand, well.. Bali is definitely up top in that short list. So, straight to the point. Is it truly the lost paradise on Earth that folk lore would have you believe?.

Well, it depends.. are you a single minded laser focused surfer?. Then yes. Bali delivers. My first session in Uluwatu, I came out of the water with a Cheshire cat grin. Peeling 4 to 6 ft. perfection.. just right for my intermediate sweet spot. Not too fast, not too slow.. just right. Pure easiness. The water.. crystal clear. You can see the swimming aquatic life just under the board as you gloriously glide on that glassy curvy surface. You even forget the razor sharp super shallow reef under you.. who gives a rats ass?. This is what I have been bleeding for...

But.. (isn`t there always a but?.. hey I wouldn't be Cranky if there wasn't one!), well.. if you have such meaty deliciousness on tropical waters with a paradisiac setting, on a place where a western style restaurant dish will set you back rarely more than US$3 ... yes.. that is just three bucks... and you can stay on some Mediterranean style bungalows overlooking the sunset for hmm... US$20 a night.. well, guess what is going to happen?. It ain't going to be just you there buddy. Anybody with a credit card and 1 inch of brain will be booking in a flight and getting in on the action. Which is exactly why, even though it was still low season, well.. it was crowded. To the tits. I don't even want to think what it is going to be like in full high season. So unfortunately, it might be too late for Bali. But fret not surfer friends.. there is hope in Indonesia. But you will have to quite likely get off Bali after you land. Since it is a tourist friendly bubble, many will probably hesitate about jumping off to the more hardcore destinations. So I think that armed with an Indonesian phrasebook, some water purifiers and a lot of guts, the other islands should definitely be checked out. 

The other thing?.. well, if you are not a surfer, you will hate Bali I think. The girlfriend will probably not be that happy, unless partying in Kuta is all she wants. The beaches are simply not that sunbather or swimmer friendly to be honest. Kuta was dirty, Uluwatu is a reef with a rocky shoreline, Padang Padang is actually a tiny tiny strand and Dreamland is.. well.. a poster child for how to screw up a perfectly good spot with raw sewage and a monstrous resort still under construction.

So, to summarize. Indonesia: go for the surfing, check out Bali, but plan on going forth to other spots in the archipielago. I am keen perhaps on another trip to check out Java and Sumatra.. but I think I would prefer to do it when my surfing skills have really earned such a trip. I am still kooking out too often I think.